Wow!!

I have to say that I've been away for a few days taking care of some things with the fam and coming back to all of these comments congratulating me on my engagement where just fantastic and really, really cool.

To everyone who's left a comment, I really do thank you from the bottom of my heart very sincerely. Thats honest.

And on another note, a friend of mine read the blog before this one, and then called me up to offer her advice: "Don't SCREW this up, man!"

LOL.

Thanks again, to all of you who have wished nothing but the best for me and my lady. Thank you.

Is it Supposed to Feel Like This?

I find myself writing this the day after Valentine's Day because not only do I wanna share a bit of good news about what's going on in my life, but because I also kind of have a question that I'd like to ask.

The beautiful, smiling lady you see in the picture to your left is my future wife-in-training, V. She decided that she wanted to fly down and see me on V-Day weekend, so we pretty made sure that it happened in that order.

I proposed to her, and she accepted my proposal- so we basically spent yesterday doing couple's routines, plus she got to meet my mom and a few of my family members. They all hit it off great, and since she's the newest addition to the family, my mom is hosting a dinner for her later on this evening- so we've gotta put in an appearance over.

Generally, last evening was really nice. I took her to dinner at a steak house (Folk's Folly- great ribeye steaks, just in case you're wondering) and from there, we left and came back to our hotel room because (and I think you can agree with me on this) having dinner at 10 p.m., is quite the late dinner.

I found myself waking up this morning and I still can't quite get my head around the fact that I asked this beautiful woman to marry me and that she said yes- that she actually WANTS to have me in her life in such a significant way.

So my question is this: Is the happiness that I'm feeling right now as I sit and write this blog all while looking at my wife still asleep in the bed, is this normal? I've never been this happy or elated over anything in my life. I find it really overwhelming and yet- I'm ecstatic about it.

January 21, 2009

Today is President Barack Obama's OFFICIAL first day on the job, his inauguration was yesterday and the crowds that attended his ceremony in Washington D.C. was astounding- to say the least.

Like so many others who believe in him, well- not just in him, but his beliefs that America can rise once again to be a great nation, I wish the new President well and have the utmost faith that how he chooses to govern this nation will not only say a lot about his great character, but that it will also speak volumes to how this country handles itself in the midst of ALL of the disasters that Bush allowed us to get in.

I don't care what anyone else says, Barack Obama stands right now- as the right man at the right time.

We should all give him our support, even if we didn't cast a vote for him.

So It's Belated Happy New Year To YOU Then

Plans were to write a blog on New Years eve and then another blog on New Years day. Instead, my mom cooked a homemade dinner of spaghetti, meatloaf, pinto beans, & cornbread that made me say "Damnitall!!" to everything else. LOL. So I pushed back a subject that I wanted to speak about, especially in time for the New Years. Bear with me on this one, I promise it's going somewhere.

People & Happiness

No doubt, many of us have had a less than stellar 2008. In fact, I'm pretty sure that most of us want the year 2009 to be a LOT better than the year which just left us a few days ago. I think so many of us have made resolutions to find/be/maintain our happiness, but then in the blink of an eye, it all goes wrong.

So why does this happen? Why do we resolve to seek happiness in the New Year and then lose sight if that goal?

Well, to be honest with you- it's because of the people and events you have going on in your life at that time.

Sometimes, just when you're seeking your happiness the most, there's always going to be someone out there who literally just won't/can't stand to see you happy. In spite of this though, we as a people need to learn the subtle art of "shake 'em off".

Why?

Because NOBODY is ever going to care more for or about your happiness than YOU. For everyone who made a resolution this year saying "I want to be happy', or "I'm going to find my happiness', then get out there and make it what it is. We all fall victim to it, because sometimes- family and friends hate on your happiness more than people you don't know.

A lot of us have forgotten that true happiness starts from within our own heart and soul. So when it comes down to it, make everything you do a celebration. Live your life. Laugh out loud. Take this brand new year and make the best of it. When you find your happiness, there are going to be scores of people who are probably going to hate on you for always having a smile on your face. Know what to do about that?

Just look at those hating on you, and don't pity them. Instead, bestow upon them a wish for them to learn how to have some happiness for themselves too!

Happiness is infectious, just like smiling is contagious. Spread them both as much as you can in this New Year. Give your thanks to whoever you pray to. Live your life and don't be bothered about those who say things against you. Share your happiness with those who are less than happy. Resolve to make this year, 2009- YOUR YEAR.

In the end, you might just be suprised about all the things you haven't had time to worry about!

Christmas Day 2008

So the cool thing is that these two got to enjoy their christmas, that's just cool as ever to me. I'm not one to really be all jolly around this season, but knowing that the little one is enjoying her brand new (pink!) Nintendo DS along with the games I picked for her is just fantastic.

Her mom is happy too, I'm sure that it's from know that her child is happy and having a grand ol' time.

As for me, I'm still making it do what it do. In fact, I've given out my Christmas greetings and things of the sort already. This time next year, I hope to be able to celebrate with my two girls- since this year I wasn't able to schedule time off in order to go up there and be there with them.

That was actually the hardest part, because sometimes it's much more fulfilling seeing the brightness on someone's face when you see them open a present and its something they like.

Everything's well that ends well.

On another note though, it saddens me to say that Eartha Kitt has left this earth at the sexy, sultry age of 81. For a lady who embodied and embraced her 'sex kitten' status- she sure as hell did a fine job in keeping her body and mind as sharp and as shapely as an 18 year old! So we here at SincerelySingle the Blog pay our respects and raise our glasses to one of the finest and sexiest African-American who was WAAAAAAAYYYYYY before our time:

Ms. EARTHA KITT!!

No doubt she's seducing ol' St. Peter right now with nothing but the sound of her voice. You GO, GIRL!!

Never Ever....

Think that it cannot happen to you. WHEW!

Last week was sort of a whirlwind blur for me. I mean, yeah- most of the week was just sort of gone before it began. Nothing uneventful or anything, but Friday and this weekend were just a real damn trip.

Friday is the day I decided that I would go ahead and fly on up to Iowa to check out my chica & her daughter since I had taken the day off, right? So I should have REALLY paid attention to the underlying SSSS on my e-ticket confimation. Just so you know, if you look at your ticket when you have a flight, SSSS means SPECIAL SECURITY SCEENING by the TSA. You're going to have to submit to a full scale search of yourself and your carryon bag.

Anyways, so I go through the first screening area, and then the guard comes over and tells me to pick up my things and follow him over to the special screening section because it's time for me to get screened. I'm like, Damn- I JUST went through the metal detectors and shit. What ELSE could I have on me? LOL.

So the guy's patting me down and stuff, and I'm cracking crazy ass jokes the entire time to kill that huge ass 'awkward' moment, ya know? He finishes, then I leave the screening area- lug my equipment ALL the way to gate A-10 of the airport terminal, and just as I put my hand in my pocket for my wallet to go buy a freaking drink- I notice my wallet's gone. Just as I try remembering where I could've put it, TSA officials broadcast my ENTIRE NAME over the PA system: JAMES ELLIOT HARRIS WILL YOU PLEASE RETURN TO THE SECURITY SCREENING AREA IN CONCOURSE A? I'm like, Fuckin' A! Gotta go get my wallet! But this also means I have to drag my luggage all the way back with me. I returned to the Station, got my wallet, then headed right back to Gate A-10 to wait on my flight and get something to drink.

The flight up to Moline, Illinois was NICE. Seriously. I sat on row 5- my seat was 5-A, a window seat. There was NOBODY beside me, so I could stretch out and do whatever the hell I wanted to do. The lady across the aisle from me got to enjoy the same thing. The Canadair jet I was on was pretty booked, but there were at least 20 open seats or more. My flight left on time, and we touched down in Iowa right on time. It was cold as hell when we were allowed to disembark the jet, so I wandered on through the airport- looking for my baby and her daughter because they were there to pick me up when I landed. LOL. I wandered straight through the terminal without even seeing them, and believe me when I say that I was looking for them- just never actually caught them in my eyesight. So I pick up my baggage, fire off a text, walk to the airport windows and can LITERALLY see my girl's car across the street in the airport parking lot, so I KNOW that she's there....somewhere, lol. She calls me on my phone and her and her daughter are standing right behind me, so I gave her a hug and a kiss, we piled in the car and then took that hour drive on out to Iowa City where they live.

We get out to her house, my baby's daughter (Raven) is driving her crazy, and she's slick getting annoyed, but we managed to avoid the fireworks and get on to the house before something really started popping off. We had a pretty nice Friday night, I had to fight Raven off half of the time because she just kept wanting to poke my stomach (I made it a New Year's Resolution to get rid of the weight I've gained) and Vida cooked us dinner. After that, we settled down- put Raven to bed, and discussed how we were gonna do the shopping. I flew up because we had to get Raven's gifts, so Vida and I decided on the option being to drop her off with her grandma and then we'd have her out of our hair to get shopping for her gifts out of the way. After planning everything out, we spent a little time hugging up and stuff, then we took our butts to bed.

On Saturday, we woke up, ate breakfast, got dressed, and got Raven set to go to her grandparents house. A coworker of mine left me a text message stating that our OTHER coworker had gotten let go; so I spent a huge amount of time in disbelief, then I called her back and we discussed the work situation. Then I called home to make sure everything was ok, and was told by my sister that our older brother was involved in an auto accident right after he'd gotten off work earlier that same morning! When I got off the phone, the two of us hit the mall to do some shopping- I HAD to clear my head somehow. All in all, we got everything taken care of, then when it was time for us to go pick up Raven, Vida asked me to meet her mom. HUGE MISTAKE. Well, not really huge- but I mean, her mom is a JW (that's Jehovah's Witness to you) and I really don't understand it or care to know how it happened, but the lady has all of these ill-conceived notions of life here in Memphis. What really set me off was because Vida also explained to me that her mom also has all these notions that anyone who lives in Memphis must be a damn drug dealer or something, so I really wasn't feeling the meeting. I only really went through with it because Vida asked, and because I really wanted to understand just what the situation was here. How about I get over there, we pick up Raven, Vida introduces me to her mom, and in the exact space of 3.2 seconds- this woman is quizzing me like I'm a fucking idiot or something? Plus, she's firing off questions so damn fast- it's almost like I'm getting interviewed for a freakin' job, NOT meeting my girl's mother. That shit REALLY annoyed the hell outta me. Mainly because I don't judge people, regardless of the situation. If I find that I know less about a person than I thought, then I sit back and observe their behavior before I decide finally which category to firmly place them in. Anywho- so yeah, I'm standing there and it's like I'm getting angrier and angrier- but I'm masking it so well that it's almost like nobody probably could tell. (But this is the condensed version, I can't tell you guys everything that happened, because then it would cause me to have a BAD MONDAY.)

When we left that house, I was glad as hell. I'm not even gonna lie and say that I wasn't. Vida could tell I was mad, but as I told her- it had NOTHING to do with her, it was just the fact that I sat there and listened to ALL of the BULLSHIT her mom said, and not to disrespectful or anything- but everything her mom said to me just REALLY made her seem a little bit out of touch and VERY misinformed to me. It's like, if you've absolutely GOT to talk about someplace- then PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE actually KNOW SOMETHING about the place you're talking about. Don't just go assuming that everyone who lives there must either be a drug dealer or some other type of criminal. So then, her brother calls as we're on the way home- he wants to know my full name, where I work, what I do for a living. I'm like, DAMN- DOES IT EVER END?

I got so fed up with it that I simply looked at Vida and told her that for the immediate future, I simply am choosing to exercise my right NOT to meet anyone else from her family. The funny part was because she understood exactly. Once we were home and had dinner, she called her mom and they got into it, then her sister weighed in on it. It ended up with Vida being so angry that she just shut down and didn't say anything more about it, which was fine with me if we didn't talk about it; but I hate the fact that she goes into 'silent mode' and pushes me away, especially when all I want to do is make sure that she's ok.

We talked about it a little bit later and came to the concensus that we weren't going to let anything else kill our buzz. We completely pushed that issue into the back of our minds, and just focused on building happy memories by decorating the christmas tree. Vida, Raven, and I had fun too. By the end of the night, we were all so dang tired though. Raven went to bed somwhere around 11 or 12, I was knocked out taking a nap, and Vida finished everything up. Then I joined her back in the living room and we stayed there for a sec before getting into bed together.

On Sunday, we still had a few things to get done, but we started the day off by cleaning up and then lighting another fire in the fireplace. For the most part, we had fun and enjoyed our brief moment as a dysfunctional family in America's heartland. When it came time to take me to the airport though, it was raining and the temperature was dropping like a stone. Vida & Raven at first just dropped me off at the airport, but they sat outside for a good minute, just in case. I was just walking in the airport doors when the PA announcer said: ATTENTION - NORTHWEST FLIGHT 2218 with service to Memphis will be delayed due to a computer malfunction. So I call Vida on the phone, she parks the car and brings Raven inside with her. We're doing the whole little dysfunctional family thing again (it was cute), and finally I get checked in, we drop by a shop to get Vida some caffeine, and Raven's just being goofy and blocking me and Vida from kissing and hugging by jumping in between us. The whole thing though, is ironic- considering how jealous that Raven was acting towards me showing her mom affection, but the funny part came about because Vida's telling me (in whispers, of course) how Raven is constantly telling her that she doesn't want me to go. That like REALLY FLOORED ME. After they left the airport to take that hour long drive back to Iowa City, I'm sitting at the gate waiting on our literal 'phantom' flight. I mean, the flight was supposed to have left at 4:35, but due to the computer crash, the new destination time was a little past 6:30. I'd say that literally ALL of the passengers who had other connecting flights either had already boarded another flight by then, or had already missed their connecting flights into Memphis, and would have to stay the night anyway.

I sat at Gate B-7 with a very cheerful lady and her daughter- they were on their way to Memphis for a St. Jude checkup. We basically spent the night just talking about the economy, kids, DUBYA- amongst other things, lol. We pretty much figured out that our flight was going to arrive late and that we were also going to leave late. There was fewer than 12 people on Flight 2218, and aboard plane, I sat and had a wonderful chat with another passenger who so happened to be flying out to Alabama for her own job training. She'd already missed her connecting flight, so we were just on the plane with this other couple and our whole little group was just cracking up. In fact, every time the captain made an announcement- we were laughing so hard that everybody else on board was laughing too. He finally came back to see what was going on, and the flight attendent brought him straight to us. Ol' Capitan wanted to know why we were laughing during his posting announcements, but like I told him- literally, I luck just COULDN'T get any worse. I recapped his announcements and when I stated the one he told us about having to possibly reroute around thunder storms, we all just broke into a fit of laughter again. The other guy smiled at the captain and was like, Look- we're all in the same boat here. You're stuck in this aircraft with us, and we're stuck here with you. We're the loyal passengers who stuck it out and decided that life is life. Then he added, but you gotta admit- this shit is funny, man. The captain did finally admit it too.

After he'd gone back up front, our aircraft sat there on the tarmac well into the evening. We got de-iced twice, the left turbine froze up completely, it was just crazy. Finally, when we were cleared to leave the gate- everyone on board cheered in their own way- we were just happy to FINALLY be leaving Moline, of course. The airport literally shut down while we were out on the tarmac waiting for clearance to leave, and we were the very last flight of the evening to arrive in Memphis.

What in the Hell...?!

Statistics on Marriage, Divorce, and Living Arrangements

On the whole, Blacks or African Americans (hereafter called Blacks) have lower rates of marriage and marital stability than all other ethnic groups. They also have higher rates of single-headed families than other groups.

Black males and females are more likely to be unmarried than Whites, Hispanics, or American Indian/Alaskan Natives (AIAN) (42.2% for males, 40.8% for females, compared to 27.5% and 21.2% respectively for Whites, 38.2% and 30.3% for Hispanics, and 35.7% ad 29.9% for AIAN ).(ACS 2002)

Black individuals are far more likely than Whites and Hispanics to be divorced (in 2002, 9.4% of Black males were divorced, and 13.3% of Black females versus 9.1 % and 11.3% respectively for Whites and 5.9% and 9.3% for Hispanics). (ACS 2002)

Among married Black individuals, a greater percentage is living apart from their spouses than among married White and AIAN individuals (15.7% for Black males, 24.1% for Black females, versus 5.3% and 6.3% respectively for Whites and 11.1% and 12.8% for AIAN). Only Hispanics have a higher rate of living apart from their spouse than do Blacks – 16.2% for males and 16.9% for females (in many cases this may be due to immigration complications). (ACS 2002)

Black families are less likely to contain a married couple than all other groups (46.0% versus 81.0%). White families have an 81% chance of containing a married couple, AIAN families have a 67% chance, and Hispanics have a 67.4% chance. (Census 2000)

Single male-headed families are slightly more likely in Black homes than in White family homes (about 8.5% versus 5.3% for whites.). Hispanics and AIANs have a higher rate of single male headed families (10.3% and 10.4% respectively). (Census 2000)

Single female-headed families are far more likely in Black homes than in all other groups' homes (45.4% versus 13.7%). By contrast, Whites have a 13.7% rate, AIANs have a 28.8% rate, and Hispanics have a 22.3% rate of single female headed families. (Census 2000)

Only 44.9% of Black householders in family households live with a spouse. This compares with 80.6% for Whites, 60.1% for AIAN, and 70.2% for Hispanics. (Census 2000)

Statistics on Childbearing

Unmarried Black women constitute a majority of childbearing Black women and the rate of out-of-wedlock childbearing is increasing. Furthermore, teenage childbearing among Black women is high, although the rate is declining faster than in any other group.

"Today the number of children born into a black marriage averages less than 0.9 children per marriage. "The birthrates of black married women have fallen so sharply that absent out-of-wedlock childbearing, the African American population would not only fail to reproduce itself, but would rapidly die off."The Abolition of Marriage, by Maggie Gallagher p. 120, citing Reynolds Forley, "After the Starting Line: Blacks and Women in an Uphill Pace," Demography 25, no. 4 (November 1988): 487, Figure 6.